raveANson

the reminder

2009-12-16T20:46:00.000-08:00

The bare-ness

he pain so hard to bare..

tthe tears so hard to spare..
the warm so hard to yearn..
.
the smile so hard to show..
the breathe so hard to take
. the eyes so hard to care..

the care so hard to forget..
the touch so hard to endure.
. the shoulder so hard to long for..
nd so hard to think..
the thou
the start so hard to substain.. the
eso hard to bare it all..
how hard it was before.. was on the same route before.. time will heal the scar but the time taken will be tough.. hang on there and u already did a good job lasting till now.. day by day the memories will falter.. and u will gain the strength back again..
my poem to you.. for i fel
t

the above poem is a dictation to someone whom reminds me of what i gone thru..

so long that i had forgotten who i was..

how i use to be..

whom i really wish to be with..

what i wanted to become..

where i always go to find my serenity..

why i stay alive for..

which i can hardly remember myself..

when i finally realised now..

i had no road of forgiveness to myself..

im already on the route of no return..

the route so dark..

the route so treacherous..

i chose to escape from myself..

my true face which was kept away from the world..

no one had seen it..

other all saw my masks..

different masks for every day..

my true hobby which i cant do..

this pass year i went on a different planet..

with the same people..

i shown a new combination of attitudes..

the year of changeling..

i wish to be the truth..

but only when im alone..

im still searching or awaiting..

for the one to fully complete me..

take care everyone for i have lost enough..

and i dun wish to lose anything or anyone anymore..

2009-07-17T09:48:00.000-07:00

170709,

Day my Dad was born,

i planned a week beforehand to give my dad a surprise,

i told my parents i had duty,

its a bluff,

i actually apply leave long ago,

watched transfomers after weeks it started showing,

went lan for 3 hours,

no one wanted to watch movie with me,

except for my best of best frenz,

LTC Chin,

my primary sch best frenz,

early morning headed back home,

to rest after coughing for a week,

and not able to take mc or day off to rest,

kena of sian becoz of it,

anyway when i woke up in the afternoon,

i went klkk(kia lai kia ke) at cityvibe,

on the way,

this came up on my mind,

'its been a long time that i walk so carefree with such light steps,

i wonder how much i suffered,

i have lost the will to count time,

days passes as through wind slice my face,

my hearts wasnt in tunr to each other,

sky always looks so cloudy,

water doesnt seem to sustain life,

voices are just noises,

sight cant see colors, my skin doesnt felt warm at all',

i kinda like this friday,

relax and carefree,

had a few eye contact moments wif diff females,

was quite shocked through,

anyway now comes the reason why im blogging,

at 2345 when i was waiting for bus at WI,

i saw my 0.5x wif her partner,

i enter a moment of shock and i wanted to hide,

it was a heart breaking sight for me,

but i felt happy when i saw her face,

but i couldnt help but think of it that i wasnt the one,

useless, cowdice, stupid me,

why didnt i try harder when i had the chance,

haiz i cant do anytin right,

can i,

should stop now,

if not,

i will get back to the bottomless pit again,

i want to fly away,

not crawl out,

peace out.

2008-06-20T15:37:00.000-07:00

well.. its been a long time since i blogged..
always had a lot in mind..
always indecisive about what to do..
always wanted to be better..
but always not doing anything overcome..
its always a mind exploitation thingy..
read jyjy and rest my mind doing some tests..

You Should Drive a Green Car

You're the type of driver who sees driving as a necessary evil.

You much rather be biking or taking a pleasant walk to where you're going.

And because of this, you tend to be a "green driver" - as best as you can.

Whether this means driving a hybrid, supporting alternative fuels, or simply not littering out your window.

What Color Car Should You Drive?

PS*green car is okie.. not a green hat pls..

You Are the Ace of Clubs

You go at everything in your life full force. You are a natural gambler.

Your life definitely has some extreme highs and lows, but you know how to ride out the low times.

A total adventure seeker, you are never satisfied by what's normal or ordinary.

You like to push limits and shock people. You're dramatic, but a drama queen.

Your life has been a wild ride so far. You have stories that people can barely believe.

And you're probably still young... with a lot of wild rides in front of you.

A gamble you should take: High stakes roulette

Your friends would describe you as: Crazy

Your enemies would describe you as: Demented

If you lived in Vegas, you would be: A high roller

What Playing Card Are You?

PS*WOW!~ damn bulleye..

You Are An Attention Seeker

You're only human, so you can't help but want a little attention every now and then.

You love the spotlight, but only when it's well deserved. You'd hate to be known for the wrong thing.

And you also don't mind sharing the spotlight. You can easily give someone else credit or a complement.

You know there's enough attention to go around, and it makes you happy when your friends shine.

You come across as: Friendly and interesting

People may wrongly think you're: A little more modest than you actually are!

Are You An Attention Whore?

PS*rmb.. im modest.. kk? ^^^

You Would Choose Love

Money may buy a little happiness, but not the happiness of true love.

You rather have a true soulmate than a private jet.

And while many people may claim they would choose love too...

You're one of the few who would really do it.

Would You Choose Love or Money?

PS*mayb i should choose $? im kind of short of it.. (alot).. keke

You are Milk Chocolate

A total dreamer, you spend most of your time with your head in the clouds.

You often think of the future, and you are always working toward your ideal life.

Also nostalgic, you rarely forget a meaningful moment... even those from long ago.

What Kind of Chocolate Are You?

PS*im the typical taurus

People Like You... Sometimes

You are liked, but only when people are able to overlook your faults.

Deep down, you are a good person, but you definitely have some obnoxious tendencies.

So step back, and try to figure out when people aren't responding to you positively.

A few simple changes could make you a lot better liked!

What People Don't Like About You:

People don't like that you can't defend your values and beliefs. You seem unreasonably stubborn.

People don't like that you're not very interesting or engaging. You often bore them... and yourself.

People don't like that you only tend to take complements. It makes you seem insecure... and unappreciative.

What People Like About You:

People like that you take the them to get to know them and make a connection. You make people feel important.

People like that you are genuine and real. They can count on you to be yourself.

People like your self deprecating sense of humor and that you don't take yourself too seriously.

Do People Like You?

PS*totally dun like the unappreciative part.. >.<

You Are a Ring Finger

You are romantic, expressive, and hopeful. You see the best in everything.

You are very artistic, and you see the world as your canvas. You are also drawn to the written word.

Inventive and unique, you are often away in your own inner world.

You get along well with: The Pinky

Stay away from: The Index Finger

What Finger Are You?

PS*but what if i love the index finger? haha..

You Are a Strawberry

You are friendly, outgoing, and well liked by many people.

You are popular, but there's nothing you ordinary or average about you.

You a very interesting person, and you have many facets to your personality.

Sometimes you feel very conflicted. Your different sides of your personality pull at you.

You are a very sensual and passionate person. You are fiery... you can't help it.

In general, you keep your passionate side under wraps. You are only wild in private.

What Type of Fruit Are You?

PS*but i HATE berries..

You May Be a Bit Antisocial...

Antisocial? That may be a bit of an understatement.

You think rules are meant to be broken - and with gusto!

Having no fear, you don't even think about consequences.

But people love you anyway... you've got a boatload of charm.

What Personality Disorder Are You?

PS*but i love people and being with them.. really.. T_T

You Are 67% Feminine, 33% Masculine

You are in touch with your feminine side.

Sensitive, intuitive, and caring are all words that describe you.

And you're just masculine enough to relate to both men and women.

Are You Masculine or Feminine?

PS*SHIT! thats y im so chio.. haha..

Your Kiss is Black

Your kisses are amazing. You put a lot of effort into your kissing technique.

You are a perfectionist, and you never leave any kissing detail to chance.

When you're kissing, you like to be in charge. You don't enjoy someone else taking the lead.

You know you're the best kisser. In fact, you're often disappointed by how other people kiss.

Kissing Type: Thoughtful

People See Your Kisses as: Amazingly unreal

You Kiss Best With: A Pink Kisser

Stay away from: A Green Kisser

What Color Is Your Kiss?

PS*Green Kisser.. u hav been warned..

You Are a Purple Flower

A purple flower tends to represent success, grace, and elegance.

At times, you are faithful like a violet.

And other times, you represent luxury, like a wisteria.

And more than you wish, you find yourself heartbroken like a lilac.

What Color Flower Are You?

PS*super heart brokened.. haiz..

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a wanderer. You constantly long for a new adventure, challenge, or eve a completely different life.

You are a very grounded, responsible, and realistic person. People may not want to hear the truth from you, but they're going to get it.

You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you.

Your near future is still unknown, and a little scary. You'll get through wild times - and you'll textually enjoy it.

For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

PS*trust is one impt factor..

2008-04-27T11:06:00.000-07:00

As usual..
Whenever I’m alone..
I tend to emo a lot..
Plus listening to emo songs..
That doesn’t help at all..
Its just makes me wonder more..
Ever since a few years ago..
The feeling of sleeping on a bed..
Had been lost to me..
History first..
I gave up my bed to my bro..
As I was seldom at home..
Later on it was not..
Some lame domestic affairs..
Causes me to lost my bed..
Which I cant sleep on..
Even if I so wanted to..
Damn that inconsiderate arse..
Causes me to lost my bed..
My previous bed..
I had been sleeping on it..
For two decades..
Imagine my love to my bed..
After all I had been through..
Some times I feel that..
Life doesn’t makes sense at all..
It doesn’t matter who you are..
Or what you are..
Once in are in bad luck..
You are in seriously deep shit..
As I grew day by day..
The amount of countless cases..
What does this tells me..
I’m not trying hard enough..
Being someone who thinks a lot..
Just makes one ponder on life..
From a thoughtful person..
Help out whenever able to..
Listen to every single whining..
Changing totally different party..
A dire one..
One who is do sins..
One who brings misfortune..
To his very close ones..
Come to think of it..
Its always people around me..
Who gets bad luck..
My family..
My friends..
Am I a jinx..
Yet I received so much help..
Even when I try to woo..
Its always a problem..
Not with them..
But with me..
Or my hand phone..
It will go dead timingly..
What went wrong..
Totally out of no where..
Sometimes I cogitate..
After been through so much..
I had these thoughts..

“I want to get attached as much as I don’t wan to get into a relationship”
“I want to get to marry as much as I try to avoid it”

But one thing there is something I’m hundred percent sure.

My hatred for myself is growing immensely as every nanosecond goes by.

A new nick: antianson

Peace out.

emotions

2008-04-14T09:29:00.000-07:00

14th of april..
I got my 3rd IC..
I had lost it twice already..
1st time when I dropped my wallet..
I was damn tired and sleepy at that point of time..
2nd time was on the bus..
Which I tot my bro took it for me..
But yeah both of us didn’t..
Since Christmas last year..
New year plus valentine..
I had been thinking of asking my target out..
But I had only planned but proceed as supposed to..
Den at a common frenz chalet..
I found out she had a bf..
GG for me and a congratz to her..
I threw in the towel near mid of march..
Struggling the path which I had no one else to like..
But at my all glorious golden line of eye candy..
I had chosen no one..
All coz I dun like that life of a bastard..
But it seems to me that kind of life get to them all..
During these times till now..
I had enormous amount of thoughts and emotions..
On every single thing about me..
My family friends the ones I likes..
Monetary studies my status in this corrupted life..
My ups and downs will make anyone speechless..
My escape from reality lies in some places..
These are the areas which people cant reach..
When people cant arrived at the vicinity..
I’m all alone all again..
But I’m not surprised..
I had been solitary ever since I was able to choose..
Lonely is a close friend of mine..
My shadow is my twin who is always there for me..
Both of them was my buddy ever since then..
Exact one month and I will be older..
That day which I had spend two years by myself..
This year is no exception..
This is the punishment for myself..
The tormenting part is of that one celebration..
Which I fail to confess to her..
Regret is the only other thing I can remember..
This punishment will continue and last for a long time..
Which my friends dun noe and even if they knew..
All I had is their words of pity-ness..
I dun like pity and whatever kind of comfort..
But the thing is I know they care..
But what can they do to undo my disaster..
Nothing is possible..
Through these times..
I realized that I had changed a lot..
From someone of a good cause to a forlorn..
I had became from bad to worse..
I had been a unpredictable and weather-like person..
Which is hard to catch and contain..

Its hard to find someone to watch the night sky with me..

yet say stars and moon gazing..

i miss those times which i can relaz and enjoy the full moon..
but i cant do it anymore..

my life has gone to ruins..

I wish for one big tight slap on my cheek face to wake me up from this dream.

2008-01-15T05:43:00.000-08:00

Today woke up at dilhan house..

Came to school at noon..

Joined ck and frenz in lib..

Ate lunch at w4..

Saw both my frenz..

Who are an item now..

I feel happy for them..

I felt emo again..

For my failure..

Indecisiveness..

Cowardice..

Played a 5v5 game..

Won both..

Which i tot was losing..

1st game 1 guy dc-ed..

2nd game weird heros..

Won..

End of story..

Felt really weak at ard 9pm..

I rmb this feeling before..

It had been a long time..

The other time was years ago..

And i was super duper tired..

After a month of work and study..

A week of less than 24 hours slp..

During that moment..

I really felt like dying..

Which i really want to..

I felt so weak and unwanted..

The feeling of unable to do anytin..

The kind of feeling which..

I love and hate also..

I just want to die..

Some one kill me please..

I mean in real life..

Im starting to feel the distance..

Between me and alot of my frenz..

You know who you are..

I know im not a good frenz..

I just hope to be everyones..

But guess i killed myself..

I murdered me..

I commit homicide..

2008-01-13T22:20:00.000-08:00

Here blogging during classes..
Shall be short and sweet..
These are my desires..
I want to read..
I want to work..
I want to suntan..
I want to look good..
I want to tone my body..
I want to enjoy retail therapy..
I want to change my wardrobe..
I want to be knowledgeable again..
I want to stop gaming as addiction..
I want to change to a better personality..
WTF am i doing..
crapshit..
ranting away..

2008-01-10T01:26:00.000-08:00

Couple days after new year..
Its been a long time since I blogged..
The holiday in December lasted only 3 weeks..
Started a week before Christmas..
Ended a week after new year..
Yesterday was sch reopening..
Since the second week of December..
Had a work from a company..
Which is only on weekends..
Friday to Sunday..
Working hours is short..
Work is even better..
Ask me if you want to find out more..
It probably was top 20 jobs..
Anyway its fun and over..
The first weekend of the holiday..
It was RP open house..
Kode5 and GXL was in RP too..
A lot of gaming ppl came..
I went for the RP LanFest at nite..
Which I get to know some friends..
After those events was inter RP league..
Which consist of both dota and cs..
And I gladly took part in both..
1st day of the compy was Dota..
2nd day was CS all the day..
My dota team name was Team SEXY..
Which as you can tell..
Its SEXY haha..
Lineup was made of..
Me zhizhong weiliang shihao sihan..
We were the most noisy dota team ard..
Having the most audience of the compy..
It was damn fun and interesting..
Altou we lose we enjoy it..
The process and the shouting..
Or say we were screaming out loud..
On the otherhand..
My cs team name was GHOST..
It was form by the initials..
All five members surname initials..
Goh Hoh Ong So Tan..
We had no training..
But we are one promising team..
To beat the strongest team in the compy..
Which is team Disbanded..
Made up of andy, eric, hansheng, zenny..
And I dun noe who is the last guy..
Never saw him in RP beforehand..
Our super zai commander was Kahseng..
His brain work like an aeroplane..
He was fast and accurate..
His predictions was damn fast..
I love his style and game play..
Kenny and Dickson was the MVP..
I and JinYan play a more supportive role..
We was in top 4..
We lose 2 most impt matches..
16-14 to both disbanded and TheOldies..
The hardest fight was Disbanded..
They were skilled and stong..
Experienced players wif a history..
TheOldies on the other side..
Was made up of old RP tanglin..
Players from the old phoenix park..
They belong to 3 main clans..
They had talent but lack experience..
They fought a 16-10 to disbanded..
Which is a considered good score..
After the compy I was quite emo..
My last compy lose but fun loving..
No more gaming regrets in rp..
Wednesday went for a Xmas party..
It was by Sherman for class W34G..
Held at Sherman house at bedok..
I would say he lived a good life..
I ate a lot at his house..
One of which was pizza..
Sherman showed us some tricks..
And he taught us 2..
I hope to master those 2..
As it was quite cool..
Me and kaixiang stay over his house..
We watched a movie..
A series of unfortunate events..
It was nice..
Den we went to his room..
We played games..
I was quite slpy after awhile..
Dun noe why..
Mayb coz b4hand I had little slp..
Most of the time I was doing 3 things..
Slacking at nat house..
Went out wif parents for dinner..
And or supper also..
Plus to work..
Xmas was no exception..
I woke up at 6pm that evening..
Only to stone and play games..
What a Xmas..
But I feel that its better than 1 thing..
To go town and squeeze like sardine..
It was fully packed with people..
New year was better..
Me nat leon went out..
We meet meng zhiwei at yishun..
And we went to bugis..
Zhiwei check out his singtel stuffs..
And we headed for breakfast..
We went to city hall to meet jian xiong..
We walk to esplanade via citylink..
Only to get detour to the opp side..
On our way to esplanade..
Half way we bidded bye to them..
3 of us headed back to clark quay..
We had Haagen Daz..
Leon frenz kat was working there..
I saw a lot of cute ppl ard..
Some very attractive to me..
When we were there..
Jessica my old time NBSS NPCC..
She was sitting at a table across..
I found her familiar..
I think she think so too..
But I was too redundant..
As I wasn’t really had much contact..
We were like meet the 3rd time only..
Until I saw Jennifer..
She was same as us..
And we had NPCC activities tgt..
We immediately greeted each other..
She was quite high after alcohols..
Haagen Daz was damn good..
I love it and it was the best..
When I was enjoying it..
I keeping thinking of someone..
Someone I wanted to share that..
The happiness I was having eating..
I want her to know it at least..
I called her..
She answered..
I felt quite surprised..
I tot she wouldn’t pick up..
We exchanged about our whereabouts..
What we are doing at the moment..
It was a nice nice chat..
I kinda like it..
But I dun like that it was that type..
The type of conversation we had..
I left it was very far apart..
But only in distance..
But also our relationship..
Which had a start..
Or say half a start..
And it ended prematurely..
It was hard at first..
Havent move my heart for someone..
For a long time..
Well it ended with a goodbye..
And also well wishes..
Glad that we did chatted..
Plus she sounded great as well..
Happy she is enjoy her new year too..
For that sound of hers..
I’m contented and happy..
This New Year day..
Was kind something I dun like..
But was able to be happy..
When she said she was enjoying her time..
Bottom line..
One word..
Elated..

historical feelings?

2007-11-27T03:37:00.000-08:00

today is like the 1st time i walked out from my group in my entire RP history..
looking back at the days i had been in RP..
i totally sux-ed..
i had hardly a proper life in RP..
yet say livehood..
i miss the time where i can have my moment with the moon..
its a time whereby i love it as much as i love myself..
its the only time the stars speak to me..
its a time when clouds make a statement to the latter that hes the boss..
especially when he red..
some times i look at them and i miss them..
i love the moon when her mouth is full..
she look so beautiful when she had a round face..
and her best frenz in the sky..
they look like diamonds in the nite sky..
socialising wif them are the best..
they show nothing..
i used to like to chat wif my bean bean wif them..
i tnk they like us tgt too..
but it didnt last..
and they had help me since..
spenting time wif me at least a couple of times a week..
even through we can hardly hear each other..
we are the best of best frenz we could even had..
living out there mux be cold..
hope i heat tins up..
living in here isnt that warm as well..
u get a lot of fake fronts..
true felt hearty peopel arent all welcome anymore..
coz of technology and abuse..
we forgot what is simplicity tolerance..
or yet better to describe us is..
deliberately didnt dedicate dampening damage..
plus we deny the previous 5Ds..
that makes it 6Ds..
all of us had been very forunate..
even in different level of it..
we just dont appreciate it much..
that the way life is..
all of us live off the previously generations..
its been for thousands and thouands of years since we been doing this..
it became a tradition a culture a method a way of life..
its an excuse for not doing for other already..
we have to see someone who is really in need in order to help..
but we tend not to do anything if there isnt a need to..
we all tend to find comfort and security..
only when we fear and emotionally down..
relations to one another are like links..
but that isnt enough to make everyone close..
be it relatives family spouse friends children..
we have forgotten how to love unless we really feel it..
or reach a point of crisis..
love isnt something that can be developed..
its all created when u and that person had an affinity..
so seeing each other down the road is the latter as well..
there is overpopulation almost everywhere..
but a world war will end it all..
and someone predicted world war 4 is all about throwing stones around..
think deep about it..
its not all senseless conclusion..
creating something which is convenience..
but yet harmful to us is okay..
how many of creations by man is really meant to help us..
i would say creations of fire..
it is the 1st and best creations man has even created..
even fire has its harmfulness toward us..
its a double edge sword..
i tnk all object are the same nature..
humans are the same as well..
all these happen to everyone..
life is balance and is fair..
yet it also is about patience and being rationale..
my level isnt there yet..
hope i can be clear as crystal..
and glitter like a star..
glow like the moon..
shine like the sun..
i hope being i desires..

save the last dance,
anson!a

my feelings?

2007-11-24T06:42:00.000-08:00

This is near December which is the end of the year..
Alot had happened since the start of this semester..
Some people might think it badly and im pitiful..
Well.. When u lose some thing, u gain something..
This is quite true..
I had lost my shelter but i gain something..
something which all of us have it but..
most of us dun really appreciated it..
or cherish the time and express them..
Its something that all of us have..
but we all just dun do what we should do..
family love..
people just dun get the idea..
simply love my dad and mom..
after all what happened..
I love them more and more..
my bros are like blood to me..
no one can replace their statues to me..
i noe a lot of people..
but only some are close to me..
i realised im not their best of choices as friends..
i admit it that im not a good friend..
well stop socialising wif me den..
i hate it when people give me that look..
those eyes which i can define what u are tnking..
what u feel abt me..
what u look me as..
i admit i did do stupid tins at times..
who dun..
im just trying to enjoy my last till the end..
which i will not hav in future..
I guess i will have to exile myself again..
emo gaming suits me??
im a different kind of male which i cant control myself even..
who are you to judge me..
who am i to say these..
this are my true feelings for quite some times..
Totally alot hav happened but..
im still stuck at a time where..
i wish to move..
but my legs are rooted..
hope to do something

save the last dance,
anson!a

sch reopens

2007-09-29T04:09:00.000-07:00

Monday class was okay..
But I felt very bored..
Enough said..
Tuesday class had only 13 student..
95 percent were foreign students..
How fun can it get..
Wednesday class was fun..
Initially graveyard but it proved wrong..
3 years since I played game in class..
Thursday class was quite there..
I had friend from previous class..
More over I was quite out in it..
Friday class was Monday class..
Slipper group with its ideal..
What can I ask for..

lastest holiday

2007-09-29T04:07:00.000-07:00

This holiday was just one of the best I ever had..
On the start of the hols..
Went clubbing wif dilhan and alifan..
Had a really good time at dbl o..
More den half a year since I clubbed..
Then we chill at dilhan’s place for 2 days..
Its like we are living in a hostel..
Hanging ard wif frenz after off sch hours..
It’s a cool life I would say..
The feeling of living wif frenz was great..
But I feel somtin I will miss..
Family love and their care and concern..
My family can be said quite closed..
My family is that the likes of a drama..
We had a lot of happenings..
Our past can wonder ppl..
Whether we really did those stuff..
Or ppl whom we said we are to be..
It’s a family trait I would say..
To lead a great but suffering life..
Mine had started quite long..
And I sense more comin my way..

Monday went to sch..
Its for the mini bootcamp training for v!s..
After cs we had our usual dota games..
Tuesday was a bit special..
Fattyboy and me went to meet jasper..
So as to try out the events mascot..
We are gonna work on an upcoming event..
Which we will wearing very cute mascot..
After the tryout which is at aliwal..
I realize it was near arab street..
So I decided to pay Niche a visit..
Glad to see Eileen at the shop..
Had a good small chat b4 I left for sch..
Going sch for another mini bootcamp..

Wed and Thursday was at home slacking..
Watching some old shows..
Friday got a treat from soo an..
We went to krislan lan in yishun..
We train warcraft III with Azhar..
Den had supper with soo an’s gf and frenz..
Sat work at Jurong East..

Den it was Monday..
Was resting at home watching shows..
Accompany my beloved parents..
Tuesday was finished the drama series..
Then evening went out with sam..
I need to shop for hair band..
So we met at novena 1st..
Its for tying up my hair for work..
I’m required to not let me hair be seen..
Beneath the mascot head..
We wanted to catch a movie too..
Evan Almighty..
But den we dropped the idea..
And we ended up at cine BK chating..
Catching up a lot was fun..
We shop ard quite a lot..
Sam my only sister whom I shop a lot wif..
we are da shopaSistanistas when tgt..
wahahahaha..
omg!!’’~y
at the end of the day..
I got myself a necklace and hairbands..
Wednesday started work as mascot..
It was damn fun..
My cutie cat waved to almost everyone I saw..
kids were playing wif my cute cat..
both the kids and my cutie cat had so much fun..
my cutie cat shake hands with a lot of ppl too..
a lot of ppl took pics with my cutie cat..
got ppl scolded me act cute..
haha..
but there one thing I hate about the job..
the sweat after wearing the mascot..
sweating is ok..
but while resting I take out the mascot..
after rest I had to wear it back again..
and the sweat is so disgusting lahz..
I feel so uncomfortable in sweat..
Anyway it was fun..
got to noe some new ppl at this event..
I love socializing..
But one thing about event is..
I dun eat their food..
I will buy my own food.
I noe im fussy but sorry..
After work v!s gang had some chilling session..
I was suffering from headache and sight fever..
Headache from the hitting of the mascot head..
Not once not twice but a lot of times beaten..
I was quite dulan with my headache..
But I controlled my temper of emotions..
Sight fever was from wat ppl said..
I drank too little water..
Plus im in the suit most of the time..
I spend some time socializing..
They were the events organizers..
WOW wooo
Our convo included the security guard as well..

Den when most of us had gone away..
After buying bubble tea which I didn’t..
Shen xuan sheng yuan fattyboy and me..
Went to find Daniel who was waiting for gf..
I intro them and went to buy food wif Daniel..
I was expecting to get a staff discount..
Coz Daniel was an ex staff and we are frenz..
But instead what I got was a free meal..
Imagine how jubilant I was..
All of us really had a good time at Carls Jr..
Chatting chilling crapping..
Imagine a person having 3 C is good enough..
But wat comes next was even better..
I got 5 Cs and not 3 Cs only..
Viory who was working at a café in suntec..
Viory prepared ice chocolate and cookie for me..
On this day I was so fortunate to receive so many good stuffs..
I was like in a blessing..
After sheng yuan shen xuan and wilson gone off..
Me and Daniel waited for daniel’s gf..
We took train and met soo an at yishun mrt..
Daniel gave his gf a ride home on his bike..
Me and soo an proceed to Daniel’s hse..
Before I could play a game I was so tired..
So I slpt till the next morning..
Went home after bidding good bye..
Once I reach home..
i take my time to prepare to go to sch..
I had a fyp briefing to attend..
Again I was too lost of focus on timing..
And I was abit late for the meeting..
I got a big F for my fyp..
It was as expected..
I did nutin..
My team mates were good..
They invited me to present the fyp..
At briefing I wanna to do fyp alone..
As Im a ASP.net student..
Plus I doubt anyone else does ASP..
But I was not allowed to do so..
Damn the faci..
Asked me to team up with some slackers..
So I fixed a date to meet up..
As I had work and chalet..
I arrange to meet up next Friday..
*now as im completing my blog which I had been typing from 2 weeks ago..
Im all alone still in the lib from the moment I step into RP..
I reach ard 12 noon.. i searched lib but find shit..
Back to topic..
Viory was at the briefing too..
But she had to do her pp after it..
Charis gave me a short lift near the mrt..
Was glad she is ok..
Goodluck to abby game..
After all these time..
While I was alone on the train..
I began to tnk..
Stressed over the fyp and also work..
I reach suntec ard 4plus..
Alex who took over my cat mascot..
Left one last round and I asked him to cont..
Coz I will feel very disturbed by the sweat..
Anyway I should let him cont the show..
Its not nice to stop someone halfway..
Some asked me y I still come..
Coz its so late when I arrived..
I said I said that I will come..
So I stick to it live up to my words..
That the least things I can do currently..
After the event ended at 6pm..
Which it will on every day of its function..
Alex Sheng Yuan Wilson fatty boy and of coz me..
When to Carl’s Jr for another tok cock session..
We got a staff’s discount woo..
Coz I noe the ppl there..
And the ppl who were working there before them..
One of the ppl working there was Daniel’gf..
When she came to deliver our orders to us..
I asked the guys to greet her da sao..
It means big sister in Chinese..
Haha it was fun..
Mainly because she was the gf of my frenz..
We really had a fun convo..
But all banquet had an end..
We all went home and rest..
Mainly for the work in the next day..
Which we will need to arrive at 930am..
Ray was asking me all the time by sms..
He wanted to be the cat mascot..
It does really seems fun being the a mascot..
I asked him to be the maoster..
But he declined immediately..
Which I will do the same..
Coz of fattyboy’s sweat..

Saturday ray fatty boy and me met up..
We arrived at suntec a bit late..
But we are still considered early for the start of the event..
Ray was gonna be the cat mascot for sat..
We began our mascot rounding a bit earlier..
Which I tnk he is quite fortunate..
Coz quite a no of female hugged him during photos..
Haha cute and small cat mascot..
Coz I wasn’t here for Friday..
I missed out some stuff to do as a escort..
Which I didn’t intend to be in the 1st place..
I was a bit blur wat to do..
Lead and not let the mascot hit anyone..
That was on my mind..
But one incident determine something..
Ppl really wonder im a guy or girl..
While I was tiding the fur of the cat mascot..
We were behind the stage..
Between the DAL and RO2 booth..
My left side was totally empty..
My right was full of ppl trying to walk out..
Suddenly I felt a hand stroking across my butt..
It was so obvious it was deliratly..
I stared hard at the KNNPCBLCB dumb uncle..
Cant u see im a guy..
Nvm this..
I told my colleague..
They laugh till they dropped tears..
I was wondering wtf was the stupid uncle tnking..
Basically I was smiling and wandering the event arena..
Trying to make sure the mascot is ok..
At the end of the event..
12 of us went to Carl’s Jr..
As it was sat and a weekend..
We didn’t get enough space..
We ended up at the StarBucks outside Carr..
The 12 were YY jasper ray weijie weijun..
Sheng yuan fattyboy Wilson shen xuan Benjamin alex..
And of coz me..
The biggest joke of the day came after YY ordered..
YY had a frappuccino with cream and caramel..
He added something else which I cant rmb..
Fattyboy wanted the same beverages..
He asked YY about his drink and went ahead to order..
The moment he went to order..
I bet to the rest of the guys that he is bound to come back..
Not after ordering his drink but to ask about the drink again..
The split second I finish my bet..
Fattyboy returned to ask YY about the drink..
All of us laugh till the entire arena can heard us..
We slowly teached him..
But he cant catch it..
One of the guy asked him to order this..
Which I think is a funny but bad idea..
Ice kopi with white and yellow cream..
Yellow cream is the caramel..
We laugh even louder and all began to had cramps..
In the mouth and stomach as well..
After a while Shin joined us..
Then Daniel came to enjoy dinner with his gf..
We chat at starbucks for a while before going to BK..
Almost all of us went to BK to eat dinner..
Viory again had prepared something for me..
And she wants 2 inflatable bats..
So I asked her to exchange it with an ice chocolate..
She got me 3 chocolate truffles as well..
I shared it with Wilson and sheng yuan..
All of us agreed it was damn delicious..
KC jio-ed jasper and the rest to go lan at Cyberdome..
Which some of us wanted but some wanted to go home..
Jasper ray YY alex and me again went to find KC..
I sense something wrong at that time..
But I didn’t think much of it..
I tot it was work related..
But in the end when we reach Cyberdome..
I realized my guts was right..
Cyberdome was packed and we had no space..
It was as usual bcoz..
My previous clanmates used to patronize the place..
We waited at an eatery near Cyberdome..
While I finish up my last chocolate truffle..
And a cup of chocolate coz there was no ice..
Previously known as ice chocolate with ice in it..
We waited for while I cam-whore again..
Haha the other cant stand me..
Most non cam whores’ frenz cant too huh..
We found out that we had no time to play..
If we want to catch the last train..
We decided to go home instead..
As jasper was going KS hse to camp..
The rest of us proceed to the mrt station..

Sunday.
Im back in the business..
The anson in cat mascot is back..
Today fattyboy ah huat plus me..
Had make a small bet..
But that cant be told..
Unless closer frenz..
Result will be revealed at the end of the day..
I was quite hyper as it was the last day..
I went oh ha yo to almost anyone..
To asiasoft booth people..
And to those I knew at other booths..
Ray was my escort..
We went hunting for the bet..
Fattyboy was gone for awhile too..
Unknown to us..
He gotten quite a lot for the bet..
But it was deem unavailable..
As they were obtainable easily..
huat had a solo run..
but we joined forces soon after..
I had so much fun with the mascot..
I had fun on stage as well..
Making cute and funny poses..
There was a big group pics..
Which I missed out..
I won the bet I supposed..
The end of the event was pack up..
Everything are to be returned..
Either to the office or the warehse..

Some of the guys with me..
Had chalet the following day..
At aloha changi cranswell 3..

Monday,
Woke up by sheng yuan call..
He had enquires about the cable..
I asked him to get one for me as well..
I slp back but was awake while later..
As I had to prepare my stuff for the chalet..
This week I had 2 chalets..
Gaming chalet from Monday to Wednesday..
Class chalet from Tuesday to Thursday..
This means I had to bring clothing for both chalet..
Met fattyboy at woodlands mrt station..
Then we took 969 to tampines to meet the others..
Was held up by a NUS student doing survey..
Which fattyboy was doing the survey halfway thru..
So I jux did it to help out..
Im a business student aso..
So I noe they should hav needed quite a no of survey..
The funny part was the survey qns..
It totally doesn’t link to fattyboy in any way..
Anyway back to tampines..
I live in tampines since I was still a baby..
Till pri 5 I moved to woodlands..
When I stay in tampines..
I was never late..
Not even once..
I used to wake up when the sunlight embrace the land..
Or maybe even before that..
I love tampines..
But dun noe y I had to move..
Woodlands was just not right..
Anyway back to the chalet..
Met up with the rest of the guys..
They were waiting at Tampines mall mac..
We all had lunch before taking bus 29..
It was a long route..
And it will travel pass my old block..
I showed the guys where I stay..
And huat showed us his bmt camp..
We discover that we were not the only group..
To hav chalet..
Especially rp student..
As we were having hols..
While checking in and walking towards our chalet..
I realized that there were 4 rp chalets..
1 is us..
2nd opposite our chalet..
3rd is SEG which I know of while checking in..
4th is EMP which while we walked to our chalet..
I saw Saw whose chalet was at fairy point..
Its not a trick or wat..
That is his real name..
Anyway once we reach the chalet..
We feel that the chalet was a bit eerie..
With a big tree in front of it..
It doesn’t help much either..
All of us explored the whole chalet..
It was a big smaller then fairy point bungalow..
It had only 4 bedrooms..
Plus living room dining room kitchen..
Cedric and huat soon discover a cabinet..
Which its whole board can be taken out..
Unlike normal chalet..
We brought only ourselves and laptops..
No food no drink no nutin with us..
We enjoyed a few moments of a TV programme together..
Before setting and started our gaming spree..
We automatically formed two teams..
We played both cs and dota..
It was damn fun..
With the rivalries flying around..
Evening time we ordered Canadian pizza..
2 aloha and 2 meat lover..
I love Aloha and Hawaii..
I didn’t eat pizza in the past..
But there was one time I was introduced pizza..
I love aloha and Hawaii immediately..
Fattyboy got a call and had work lobang from boss..
Boss aka jasper worked at asiasoft..
Which is why he wasn’t at the chalet..
Fattyboy and me nodded to the offer..
We gamed till morning..
Half of the guys were weak..
Morning and they were down and tired..
Cedric yukito alex huat shihao and of coz me..
6 of us walk to change village..
Breakfast was delicious..
I missed the hawker centre gourmet..
But most other areas aren’t that nice to eat..
Which is why I dun like to eat them..
Food not nice why eat..
Fattyboy and me went to asiasoft office to work..
With us was YY ray and jasper..
The rest of the days was..
Nite go chalet and day go work till Thursday..
Wed chalet nite got VSOP..
I wanted to down my sorrow in it..
I drank heavily..
And paid the price the next day..
The rest of the week was spent resting..
Preparing for sch reopen..

speechlessly becoming new

2007-08-30T22:30:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the half a year's delay...
i did blogged but didnt post it..
alot of times was losing the mood..
especially when i wan to post wat i blog..
the reason was..
been emo-ing since i failed again..
after the june or july hols..
i had been building myself back..
meeting old frenz and sisters..
chatting and being more bubbly and cheerful..
this is the real me..
the optimistic and positive me..
then came the big news..
aneehs was single again..
and i was to excited for 8-26..
even towards 26 of july..
i totally forgot it was july..
as it draws near every week..
i was tnking wat to do..
but my old self killed me again..
not being courageous and making things happen..
den it was passed..
simple msg can turn ppl away..
i stopped wishing ppl happy bdae since that day..
to painful to cont..
but i will bow to life..
ppl ard me and away from me..
will want me to stand up..
whether close or not..
the ppl i noe are good ppl..
very kind and pure friendship..
i was being such a bad arse..
well well well..
all wells..
had to make sure im up to myself..
emo-gaming in the pass 6months..
is enough and too long..
now to enjoy the real gaming..
and to make sure i flow thur my last sem of RP..
tak care follks and peeps..
thkz for reading my whining and ranting..

people wouldnt believe me

2007-07-01T04:53:00.000-07:00

well.. well.. well..
its been a really long time since i updated..
wanted to update but wasnt in the mood..
sch are mundane for me..
i go to sch for friends..
rather than anytin else..
but sometimes frenz will leave u as well..
try to make the sitution best as hopeful..
enough for that now..
lets types things which no one has seen me had before..
my best frenz nat..
pestered and tok to me abt getting a gf for me..
for two running weeks..
whats the big deal about not having a gf and single for a long time..
im still damn rite normal for my sake..
u read it..
not wat god or goddess..
im a free thinker by nature..
i got tempted quite a number of times..
but wasnt that gonna do it..
had turned a few heads..
probaly thinking i was a guy or a gal..
had this prob wif my current hairstyle..
i typed this half way and i fall for a few sec nap..
back from sleep and also am in class now..
the result of too tired and this window was still open..
actually this post was type weeks ago..
halfway typing and i no mood to blog..
thats the delay..
these few weeks had been gaming..
gaming as a no life..
trying to escape..
u noe who u are..
now i trying to search for a new..
trying to gain back my esteem..
got days when im really moody..
some days whereby i just want to be crazy..
1 more post is coming up too..
stay tuned to me okie..
i had a lot of great ppl ard me..
but i nvr got closed to all of them..
if only i had the opporunity..
love all and take care..

The Tower

2007-06-13T09:29:00.000-07:00

Its the hols.. wel...

1st of all..

A HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO VIORY!!

I was watching dramas and resting for the hols..

Got bored and i went to read a lot of stuff online..

Try this.. haha.. i tried last time but i still got the same card..

The Tower

Guess wat..

This is probably the 1st picture in my blog!!.

You are The Tower

Ambition, fighting, war, courage. Destruction, danger, fall, ruin.

The Tower represents war, destruction, but also spiritual renewal. Plans are disrupted. Your views and ideas will change as a result.

The Tower is a card about war, a war between the structures of lies and the lightning flash of truth. The Tower stands for "false concepts and institutions that we take for real." You have been shaken up; blinded by a shocking revelation. It sometimes takes that to see a truth that one refuses to see. Or to bring down beliefs that are so well constructed. What's most important to remember is that the tearing down of this structure, however painful, makes room for something new to be built.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

hols now! im in love with my hair!

2007-06-05T13:33:00.000-07:00

hols life liao..
HORAY!!
just had a shower..
YEAH!!
my hair feel so light..
i can feel the hair raw..
all the time my hair had wax spray..
all those nonsense..
the cleanlyness was unmatchable..
the feel was so sensational..
enjoying every moment of the silky hair..
plus i had naturally straight hair..
for people who envy my straight hair..
i envy ur curves..
straight hair are damn had to style..
unless u hav long hair..
or real really short hair..
i always had a lot of thoughts in my mind..
but had always forgot them..
guess my hair does a good job..
the job to make me forget..
coz im not good looking..
i need to improve my look..
by styling my hair..
or at least tidy it..
btw..
i 4got somtin again..
its qutie impt..
i 4got to thkz my dear frenz..
who rmb my bdae..
be it they rmb friendster or birthday alarm..
i thank you viory for the bdae prezzee..
thank you the following people who greeted me in sms..
dilhan my dota love..
huishan my 3 years sister..
far osg fop statoin mate..
huiyan osg fop statoin mate..
jayina sister since nig camp..
viory qi jie mei de si mei again in a double normination..
and also thank you to the nurmous people who greet me in RP..
a big huge large enormous..
THANK YOU!!
lets all take care and stay happy always will ya..

was it me? it was me!

2007-05-30T06:03:00.000-07:00

27th may, Sunday night..

was surprise by visit of nat alex and edric..

i was rushing to finish My Boss, My Hero..

its a damn nice jap drama..

its going into my list of best of jap dramas for sure..

we chat and discuss abt my bad points..

and i end it with R.i.P which i ned to change..

Responsiblity..

indecisiveness..

Punctuality..

tnk alot of my frenz will agree to all this..

i den intend to say excuses..

afterall excuses are excuses..

and no use deny-ing..

I had been a nothing and no life..

I hope to change..

guess it takes some soul to do it..

the soul and the courage in the heart..

I was so lucky to meet all the friends i had..

the kind crazy close and very one of them..

im in debt to all..

my gratitude towards them is far..

making changes abt me..

making me feel good..

in time of despair and desolation..

i had my lonely days..

throught i love them..

i enjoy company..

i noe myself..

but it hard to feel..

***

back to reality..

had just submitted my PP proposal on tue..

a module which i dragged a long time..

but i managed to finish the proposal in 5mins..

its was a brief and short one..

my 10 steps in completing PP..

btw PP equals Professional Profiling..

this week i had tried to make myself early..

tnk im making some progress..

woke up after the dawn..

had a UT on tue as well..

it hit me hard..

i had always been the kind of student..

whereby i listen i learn..

but if i didnt come to sch..

i learn nutin..

and with this i tnk i gonna flunk the UT..

shit man..

Friday went to sch..

its was one of my fav things i like to do..

photography..

i like the pics raw if they are that good..

some effects will spice the heat..

i always like it but didnt had the opportunity..

went to the OSG FOP appreciation lunch..

seen a lot of familiar faces..

all who made it happened..

the cast the sai gung warriors..

i love that officials tshirts..

its simple and nice..

took some nice nice pics..

presented and it was kind of uncool to present in ppt..

anyway we are focusing on the pics..

went for OCC tea session after class..

which could be the last apperance of me as SU..

im gonna be out of events for some time..

went to nat's place for the weekend..

had received some invitation back to gaming in cs..

should i train back to a pro..

i wasted and received shits to get pro..

wat should i do..

the dota trialing i went was out of my league i guess..

haiz..

gaming..

life..

work..

study..

frenz..

family..

when i ever get peace..

do i nid exilation..

world peace..

my birthday? my feeling?

2007-05-26T07:31:00.001-07:00

monday14th may was my birthday.
didnt plan to celebrate with anyone.
i undergo weeks of mental preparations to change myself.
to stop my addiction to gaming.
get a better life.
present and expres the better me.
which was 2 years ago while i was a RP freshy.
the better personality.
the better preforming.
the better rational thinking.
the better gaming pro skill i had.
the better aura that i feel so different.
now im jux a less then average joe cum nerd cum no lifer.
wat transform me into this.
failed L***.
but it all over now.
i found a new target and we had a week.
a week only and she felt weird.
am i such a bad person.
haiz.
guess i am and really is.
i realised wat i did.
i was a noob in all this.
some of my frenz noe a bit.
but deep down insid me.
i noe im jux a rookie for all this.
i hardly feel for som one.
im not a flirt which som ppl view me as.
my exterior deceived a million ppl.
i noe who i am and wat i am make of.
mayb im too emo.
but its actually the dark side of me.
which others hardly got to know.
guess im a good actor or watever u call it.
clown lahz lame lahz watever.
i can tell a lot of tins by looking and listening.
plus feeling.
my six sense and gut is of a different species.
im friendly and i love it.
but i noe i cant be so close to all of them.
too bad im not a rich person.
i was born with a sliver spoon.
but rose up to a metal spoon.
WHY!? FUCK RICH!
got inferior to monetary matters a lot of time.
but it makes me learn.
i noe who are frenz in need.
alot of my beloved frenz are great ppl.
a SALUTE to all of u guys and gals.
SORRY!
i had problems to repay all your kindness currently.
my eagerness is strong.
but my determination is weak.
feeling emo is all part of being me somtimes.
the emo-tensionalisation.
showing others the ever happy anson is a mux.
the happygolucky anson.
well back to my birthday celebration.
i dun intend to get company.
but due to some noise from my si mei.
who ask me to get company if not blah blah.
i tried but still ppl areny always there for u.
i hate the feeling of being thrown aside already.
but guess what.
i love that feeling too.
being said sorry i cant pei u.
i got used to it.
recently felt rather lonely.
as i noe that i had alway been.
since young i was a loner.
and will always be.
even in big groups i felt the same thing.
continuing from the birthday.
i reach sch in the morning by taking bus.
i had to sweat.
walking for 5mins makes me sweat.
hatred for sweat made me transfer basketball to gaming.
which requires minimal sweat output.
arriving in class was like a drama serial.
im the xtra of coz.
i had 4 different class.
for this class i got 3 old classmate.
i was rather closer to them.
but i felt the distant overtime.
class was the same to me.
i did my under performing stuffs.
i totally kept a secret abt my birthday.
my birthday which i view as it as an anniversary.
a reminder to wat i always had been done.
LATE!
everything i do this was wat happen.
school outing meeting waking up meals.
even L***.
tired of being this way.
marking it makes a scar in my heart.
and i hope it gaves me the will.
the power to change.
back to the birthday.
after class i did my quiz evaluation and RJ fast.
everything by 4pm.
coz i gotten rush to 888plaza.
my family is going to makan good food.
although we had a earlier celebration.
which was eating a cake on the previous day.
but i sure chong for good food.
but when i arrived and saw no one.
ghost!
Matriarch called me and said cancelled.
due to the time constraint that Patriarch had.
i was a bit angry.
family!
i met up my both of them at adminralty place later.
they passed me some dinner dollars.
kept it for outing which i told them abt.
they mux had thoughts that i was going out wif my frenz.
NONONO!
guess wat.
even my parents dun noe me.
they think they noe me but the fact is.
im jux not a human being.
im some thing else.
im feel jux so different.
im that hard to understand.
deep inside i noe.
after i departed from my parents.
i took a train to ang mo kio.
to go for a hair cut.
my hair as all can see was so long.
i was mistaken as female quite a number of times.
Dumb!
love my hair.
i had received positive and negative comments.
but i feel its was better then my shity hair style ages ago.
so bad i dun wanna type abt it anymore.
after dropping off at ang mo kio.
and half way to the shop.
jy called me.
SURPRISE!
she was meeting jielin and karen at Jubilee.
saw her in office wear.
>.<"!
they were going to hav heart to heart talks.
so after being rejected by them to go for diner together.
i didnt feel that bad as jielin wanted to tell them her stuff.
im a understanding being.
i proceed to the shop again.
i think i master the art of changing faces.
i shown them the happy side.
and once im alone again.
the dark side took over.
jielin called me before i reach the shop.
asking me if i was ok.
i think so for now if she is talking to me.
CHANGE!
upon reaching i said jian tou fa.
meaning cut hair in chinese.
i noe its dummie direct translation.
well anyway i had no waiting time.
i sat down and i discussed with the hairstylist.
we had a rather long chat.
she finished quite fast.
considering she was chating with colleagues at the same time.
as anyone who cut my hair will comment.
xiao di, ni you hen duo bai tou fa.
meaning.
boy, you got a lot of white hair.
im old i replied always.
laugh they always will.
humans predictable.
anyway after the haircut.
i took a fast pix with my handphone.
SHIT!
forget to take one pic 1st before i cut.
this time round i trim a bit for the back.
which still has almost the 95% lenght.
top and back it cut for spike.
side and front cut to suit the long hair.
cut not too long or too short.
front and side was cut till they suit the backside.
after the haircut.
i took train to Plaza SINAPURE.
and to looking for an 8pm plus SPIDEERMAN III.
i walk towards to the Cathay to check their timing.
in the end i chose gv.
i return to PS by foot.
on the way.
i saw one who was alone and look beautiful
was tempted but haiz.
when to PS basement and brought a BK meal.
after buying the tics i wet straight to the usher.
who told me pls com back 45mins later.
i was wondering not now.
i read the tics carefully.
and it was my mistake.
i went back to the cashier.
asked the cashier to replace it with a earlier timing.
she guadually did it.
THANKZ!
again i did not read the tics.
and walk into the wrong room of the cinema.
everyone in the cinema was either couple friend or family.
i was the only one alone.
felt weird at me huh.
coz no one felt the same as i did.
the movie was great as i expected.
action twist love.
enjoy the movie and the BK meal at the same time.
the pepsi was upside down when i was taking it out.
but lucky the BK was in a plastic bag.
and it didnt leak to my bag.
LUCKY!
but the pepsi soak some of my orion rings.
YUCKS!
the wet orion rings was not tasty at all.
after the movie ended i waited.
again no one actually noe my habit.
1st i hate to squeeze in crowd with ppl.
2nd is i dun like much body contact with other ppl.
it takes a long time to get through.
and have to be like fighting for a spot to do so.
felt dumb doing it.
i was sitting comfortably at my seat while they squeeze.
wait quite long but i feel its better this way.
as the time was early.
for me and my perspection.
i went to eGames which was a stone throw away.
shared a joke with the counter staff.
and i proceed to my appointed com.
saw a noob cs player on my right.
and a nub dota player on my left.
i wanna laugh but never.
not good lahz as i was a noob too.
but the mistakes they make can be the joke of the year.
or mayb in the gaming history too.
in the end i started wc3 and play dota.
own and got owned as usual.
jux nice the game ended and i gotta catch a train.
the last train was 1210-1215 if im not wrong.
dun noe why.
after i dyed hair and cut hair the 1st time round.
i always had eye contact wif who who.
felt different and its kind of paiseh.
plus sure got 1 was dropping off at my stop too.
well enough of that.
i love start gazing.
almost everytimg i walk home.
i tend to walk slowly and gaze into the sky.
trying hard to find the starts.
as if im finding myself.
walking home was 3mins.
but i sat at a bench near my hse.
it was an open space so i can watch the sky.
that night the sky was so clear with no cloud.
it seems that all the stars had appear to greet me.
saying happy birthday to me.
the stars were so glittering that night.
i wanna kiss them.
guess wat.
i saw a shooting star after a long time.
my very 1st shooting star i seen.
and of coz i make a wish.
i wish for something call L***.
hope it will come true really.
after 1 hours of star gazing.
its time to head home sweet home.
so tired that i slpt after a while from shower.
and that marks the end of my birthday celebration.
the day that marks an anniversary.
reminder of the pass.
haunting the spines of brain.
hiding in the depth of abyss.
calling to the mind of L***.

Monday's The End.

tueday 15th may.
same old stuff.
but my birthday was still kept low profile.
biggest happening of the day was after sch.
in the evening.
i chatted wif jy and told her almost everything.
but situation remains the same.
later in the night.
i met daniel.
ex-EvT ex-RPC clans which we affliated.
in the old days we rock.
1337!
Daniel taught me a challenge to train dota.
we play dota and i slp after 2 games.

wednesday16th,may.
woke up at 7am.
rush off to northpoint.
which is 3mins walk from daniel's house.
brought mac breakfast.
delivered to jy void deck.
waiting time starts at 720am.
althought i dun noe wat time jy start work.
but it couldnt had been this long.
i gave up at 9am and left.
ate the mac breakfast along the way.
i gave the coffee to matriarch.
i dun drink coffee only milo.
***
omg i fell aslp half way through.
if im not wrong i slpt at 5am plus.
had been typing this post the moments i came home.
reach home ard 1220 after star gazing for 20 mins under my block.
the sky was clearer then my birthday.
a lot of beautiful stars shining brightly in the starry night sky.
love stars love start gazing.
was typing this so long post for hours.
but its still only half way through.
lets continue.
***
Wednesday 10am plus.
went to adminralty place to makan.
wanna to eat breakfast with my parents.
but the food choices was so limited.
but i decided to settle down for fish porridge.
im hardly eating such healthy food.
went to sch lib ard 11am plus.
saw wayne and i went over to grab a seat.
i got FYP meeting at 145.
but i dun noe how to open up to them.
JIALAT!
hope will be better in future.
anyway.
thursday and so on was quite familiar.
i went back to gaming dota after sch.
kinda miss the dota guys.
the fun time which we had.
30th may i going for a trial-ing for daniel's team.
so im training now.
hope to go gosu.
gosu equals to pro.
1337 equals to elite.
PLAY HARD! GO PRO!
slogan for CPl.
pro gamers who earn really money.
the SG market or say SEA market is so damn small.
currently only china and korea had paid pro gamers.
im no longer coaching cs anymore.
the team was disbanded but i knew of it a week later.
guess im just too busy.
***
wanted to go out now as im typing this.
but the weather was gonna rain.
i dun mind rain.
i dun mind going out alone.
but i wan to rest my body and mind.
stay at home to slack is the best.
except for the fact that my hse is 24/7 noisy.
cant i hav peace on my own.
anyway lets unpause.
***
skip the boring days.
wednesday nite i went over to daniel's hse again.
training dota and learn from him.
but the big time motive is the next day.
slpt at 4 after some games with ash and azhar.
well L*** really makes me going this time round.
i was planning to wake up at 7am.
and my determination helped through.
i woke daniel up who told me to.
pack up my stuff and walk to NorthPoint mac.
brought a mcfillet meal breakfast.
on the way to jy's void deck.
i saw lester the great guy i nvr had enough time with.
as i walked pass the 1st bus stop on the way.
the bus service number 811 stop yet again.
jux like the week before.
i tok it was a blessing in disguise.
to help me reach jy's void deck faster.
as it was a second time so i kinda of believe it.
but i somehow wanna slap myself in the face.
the bus turn right instead of left at the last junction.
i got off at the next bus stop hastily.
walked at my fastest pace for 5mins.
as i reach the void deck i sense similiar aura.
is it me or wat.
the memories that jab me.
i waited at the void deck near the lift.
passer-bys were all looking at me.
housewife retirees working adults students even the kids.
im not your neighbour friend.
just a less then average person.
who wants to make a delievery.
after much waiting i decided to wait till 830am.
jy came down and saw me at 815.
asking why are you here.
i show her the breakfast and smile.
she received the breakfast that i passed.
but jy ask me where im going next stunned me.
as i had no idea at all.
as i never of it.
i reply take bus go home.
but it was thursday and i had lesson.
we walked to the bus stop together.
i was to take 965 and her bus was opposite it.
she was late and decided to not wait for the bus.
she walked all the way to work.
as she goes off and i guadually took a seat at the bus stop.
her back view was kinda not so much of a pleasant feeling.
but the thought of jy accepted the breakfast was kinda good.
hope the breakfast doesnt get too cold.
will cold food triggers grastic i wonder.
anyway since then i saw jy online.
which i didnt after the tueday chatting.
~~~
i guess this marks the end of the birthday and feeling post.
my brain think alot these days.
it was as always but.
cureently im more lonely and it brings out my thinking personality.
the kinda of person who i used to be.
which was lost a long time ago.
some activities happenings and show changed me.
im changing every moment nowadays.
if you ask me.
when was the last time you did something for the first time.
i will say.
im always doing something for the first time everyday.
and yes i love it.
the feeling of discovering gems and fossils wasnt of much fun as this.
the pure and unknown future awaits me.
and all of us.
lets work towards a future with life.
like the brightness of stars in a starry night sky.

*PS I just found out this post was 10 page long after I copy it to Mwords

anson is fading away

2007-05-10T22:29:00.000-07:00

now friday, pon-ed classwas as i so slpy that i fell aslp the moment i sit at my frenz hse the nite b4..
wednesday nite nvr slp go sch and i was kind of hyper on thur, toking crap in class..
i admit i did nutin for work on this 'grea' day..
thur nite when kbox after meeting alex and nat at amk..
i notice somtin which is going on for a long time now..
ps* ask me wat i notice in private..

the day is comin soon in a few day..
im having a dilemma whether to gather my frenz or be alone..
who do i gather..
tis day marks a sadness to me..
its actually a day that which i blamed myself that i was always late..
late in everything that i do..
that day that you went away..
the day that i treat as a reminder for myself..
a day for me to emo all day long..
a day of regrets..
a day of reminders..
a day of revival..

hope i get better on..
janehz~

UPDATES!!

2007-05-01T01:45:00.000-07:00

sorry updates still stucks in my own lappy..
had too many activities and was too tired to update as well..
recently update my blog link whichever is not working, shifted, cant be found etc.
im left wif a handful of ppl which is the small percentage to ppl i noe.
im jux too bad of a friend i seem to be. haiz.

recently a frenz of mine who is also my neighbour 2 blocks away relaunch her shop Niche at 34 Haji Lane which is near bugis.
she is younger then me and had made much acheivement which a lot og others youths had yet done or even imagine.

Poem
Life?

Life is just
Life is fair
Yet is unfair
fair to all
which equals time
unfair to some
resources received differs
life is love
it actually kills
if not dead
its a crack
mend needs time
its a scar
heal needs yourselves
life is purpose
life is individual
life is great
life is lousy
dun say this
im no life
its only just
your pure laziness
work things work
life is wonderful
specially to all
Life is you

long and good? comments please.
expressing my literature and art part of me.
hope all of us do well in life.
begone for now.
i updated my old blog as well.
thkz for reading.

ANson

ARGH.. Please Pardon the Wait

2007-04-23T02:00:00.000-07:00

Hi people

My Lappy currently has some hardware problem and I cant upload the blog logs which I had typed and update on myself weekly.
But please stay tuned and waited for the much dramatic life mine, i hope to type daily so that i wouldnt missed the feeling of the event and type boring and uninteresting stuffs.
I lost the feeling and the memories of the thoughts i had after a certain time.
A lot of blogging is saved in my lappy and i will try to update the posts ASAP.

ANson

2007-04-04T14:02:00.000-07:00

3rd week of March
Monday, work. Enough said, totally boring but its better then the Motorola job which is more tedious. Haiz. Every time I work, I’m sure to get hurt and this time I got a small cut. Sian!

Tuesday, CS coaching and I went to my Edric’s house to chill and to train CS. My CS skills are now that of a noob, plus some more Im a coach. Although I know that a lot of sports, the coach is the spiritual and knowledgeable one, but I want to be more involved and at least have a standard level so that I’m not labeled as a noob.
Watch one of my fav TV shows with my friend’s mum on their SCV and we had a great laugh by the show. We were watching Zhong Yi Da Ge Da host by Zhang Fei and Co.

Wednesday, went clubbing at MOS with 2 friends. I’m still a noob in clubbing and had not much immunity to girls and I back of while dancing at the back of a female, as some thing of mine was poking her accidentally as we were dancing to the beat of the music. My friend tried to touch her butt but got a touch thought the in between, I feel his hand and I quickly lifted my hands and dancing with this pose for a while, trying to express I didn’t do it but friends told me that it was a direct motion to tell her that it was me as it was a flow. I was like OMFG. But I’m just a noob. Avoided eye contact and grinding, which hardly guys do but I do it. I’m just not the usually male. Haha. As usual, we clubbed till morning and took the first train home.
Thursday, after I got home, I bathed and played CS until I went to have breakfast with my dad. Meet Xue Ting up at my mrt station but she thought I was at woodlands mrt station and we had a good laugh at the miscommunication. We arrived at Somerset mrt to meet Evelyn and waited for Viory while the three of us shared a meal at Burger King as Evelyn wanted a drink only and Xue Ting wanted to eat onion rings only and I’m just purely hungry. We can’t have K-Lunch so we go for K-Happy and we sang from 1pm to 7pm, we were wondering why no one came to bill us. I feel that the afternoon shift slacked till they change shift and let the next shift people to do all the billing, haha, lazy shits. I took a 30 pose of with my sisters of 10 each from 1 to 10. After K-ing, we went to take neo-prints, the staff at cineleisure had an attp problem and we went over to Hereen.
We took neo-prints at 2 machines, this was the first time I take neo-prints with Qi Jie Mei men, and also I had not taken neo-prints with anyone for a very long time, counting by years ba, I think so.
Plus all my past neo-prints are lost with my wallet. Maybe this is a hint to tell me that I should move on with life and forget and the past. But there are some hurtful experiences which can never be healed in time and even if the next one comes, I’m scared to go deep.
After bidding good bye with my sisters, I headed to pasir ris’s Aloha Loyang bungalow 8 to meet up with friends which I invited a couple more to add up the party.
Damn Sian to heard my close friend alfian and jayina quarreled.
Oh ya, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SHIKIN! Zack’s cute and blur GF.

Friday, woke up by shikin’s knocking on the window, as I got out of my room, I saw her climbing in but I was still stunned, she went to Zack’s room and banged the door, asking me why zack took so long to open the door and whether there was a girl inside, the truth is that there was no girl but because Zack was sleeping NAKED, so he fell as he woke up and desperately trying to put on his boxers.
After she was gone for work, all of us woke up and we slacked at the chalet. I realized that this was the first time that I woke up without catching morning flu while sleeping in an air-conditioned room. Plus I was wearing my undies and a towel only, as I hang my clothes as I felt that they were a bit smelly after walking more than 30 minutes from Pasir Ris Mrt to Aloha Loyang the night before today.
Supposing, Alfian and me was to receive our pay but due to unforeseen circumstances, we had to wait for 2 more weeks.
We traveled to shikin’s house which is in pasir ris also to pass her family the chalet key. Zack, Alfian and me wanted to go Chambers to lan but due to financial stint on that day. In the end we slacked and took 2 bus back to woodland where we bid goodbye and headed straight home. Finally, I can rest at home and watch some of my favourite TV shows like Zhong Yi Da Ge Da hosted by Zhang Fei and Co.

Saturday, after some gaming at home, I meet Michael at my Mrt before meeting Alex at Jurong East Mrt and headed straight to Eric’s house. Eric house was okay but his room was FGG comfortable. Chilling, gaming, crapping and laming are all part of the time till morning. We watched old time classic anime Slam Dunk to boost our urge for our planned basketball the next day. I watch till I slpt for a couple of hours.
*note: I had not exercise and played basketball for years, 7-8 years? OMFG

Sunday, woke up full of energy and we headed to the basketball court. Once a bball noob, always a bball noob, yup, I was a bball noob. Haha.
After all the sweating, we went to the hawker to eat breakfast and I had a nasi lemak with add rice.
Reaching back at Eric home, we all took our shower, I was the last one and the longest one I think so. The guys slept after a while and I continued to go online and played steam cs all the way till they wake up. Even at the edge of us going home, I was still so shiok and gian play cs.

With this I mark the end of my 3rd week of March.

anson is fading away

2007-03-18T21:18:00.000-07:00

Don't noe why.
The thoughts of bad things come to my mind whenever im at home slacking, not playing game but really slacking doing nothing but just watching television.
The bad thoughts are suicide, the embrassed moments of my life, the things that i had done wrongly.
That's not all, I tend to think of the future too. And how my parents will react if I died, they will be the most sadded, I knew that they love me the most, even more then they love my blood brothers because in my life they had cared and concern on me that we quarrel a lot as I had a temper liked my father and a rebel liked my mother.
It all just adds up the spice when I think of my current life, no life, no prospect, no money, no luck, no gf, no nothing.
I know that this is all crazy shit.
And I don't know why it happen mostly when I'm at home.
What has got into me.
Sometimes, I wish I could be alone and doing nothing and live for no cause. But time catches up and wake me in the middle of the solute and carry me to the world of complexity and if this ain't enough, it provides a roller coaster ride with a twist to your life.
Think about it, why, what, whom do we lived for and/or continued to live for.
This question above was brought up in my mind since I was primary4 and I had yet to find an answer to it.
Any help? please?

Singing off,
anson fading away

Online Diary?

2007-03-05T07:28:00.000-08:00

From today onwards, I will try to update my blog to improve my english and leave memories for the future. I also intend to do a biography from my birth to childhood till teenages up and all the way until present of any possible memories I can remember.
(During grafting, I had this motive, but on the second day, I realised that my Biggest problem was that I had no internet connection. lolz.. T_T)

Okay, lets start this update of the present happenings..
Recently, I found out that the name of my childhood puppy love. My mum actually knew her mom, more to that, they are good friends. Her name was Xue Yi and I like this name a lot, it sounds nice and its had great meaning into it. I recalled how I did stupid stuff back then and I felt really like a host during my birthday celebration held at the kindergarden once, it was awesome and it brings back some old and cute memories.

Recently, it was the Lunar Chinese New Year and today is the official after the 15 days of the celebrations for it according to the traditional customs.

I still remember that I started the every first outing of Lunar Chinese New Year Eve for my CS clan which was BMK then and in the next couple of years, it some how became a habit. It serves quite a few meaning, main and the outmost objectives was to gain longevity for our parents. But the traditional method was that the wellwishers be at home but to me, its the thougths that matters and if you have your heart into it, people-up-there wouldn't be too fussy with being so unflexible at all, right? The next few was the bonding session and outing for the whole clan including the clan friends whom we had some fun times together.
Back to the topic, I think last year I didn't join my clan but they went out altogether as it was a habit already. And this Lunar Chinese New Year Eve, I decided to join them again and feel that special bond we share.
I had phobia for heights but I still pucked out some courage and went for a ride on the 'Super-Surf'. It was FUN! but I keep on screaming and screaming, isn't that what its all about? The female on my left keep on shouting NO! stop! Yeah right, if I'm the ride operator, I'm sure gonna give you the best ride of your life, and the ride operator gave us "extra playtime" on the 'Super-Surf'. A clan member of mine who is a fire-fighter was letting go both of his hands in mid-air and kept on persuading me to do the same. I repiled, 'Mai, Wa Kia Si' ('dun want, i scare of dying' in dialect). Another clan member of mine whose a driver in army, had his wallet drop off onto the seat and it was bouncing sidewards on the seat right under his butt. The third clan member thought it was over half-way, but thanks to the female next to me, this friends undo his safety beat and he was without a beat in the mid-air.
More progammes had leads to KTV, pub, K-box but we ended up at CineLeisure watching 'Norbit'.
Ride Rating: 10/10
Overall ratings: 9/10 ( I just love the ride so much! Would like to THANK YOU Alex and Sky for the ride, they treated me to it)

On the third day of Lunar Chinese New Year, Anson, Zack, Shikin , Dilhan, Kamini and Alfian visited the latter's girlfriends and one of my sisters in RP, Jayina. We held a little party of our own as Jayina's parents and slibings were out. We watch an enjoyable cutie movie "Finding Nemo". I would like to THANK YOU Jayina for the delicious sumptous pizza dinner for all of us. Btw, Jayina, send me the pics we took altought its was that only few ones.
Slacking Rating: 9.5/10
Overall Rating: 10/10

Seventh day of Lunar Chinese New Year, I went to my grandfather's house to Bai Nian and to sleep-over for the night, like I usually do in my childhood, as I love to keep my grandfather company.
The next day, my uncle asked if me and my brother, Anthony wanted to go our Auntie's house to pray and come back for another night, I had to agree given my 'siao-on' attuide. My uncle asked for 4D and ToTo from the 'Tin Gong', so typical S'preans.
Overall Rating: 8/10

11th day of Lunar Chinese New Year, I went for a work with my brother, Anthony and Alfian. It under Rexy services in a chinese company. It was a last day job for most of the temp workers there but for the 3 of us is the first day and last day. My little bro had flu near the end of it and was falling asleep while working. It gave so much laugh to both of the other us plus the perm worker there because of his sicky face.
Near the end, as it was the last day for all the temp workers. I found out that a gal and I had exchanged a few eye contact. When my frenz knew of it later, he told me that she was from RP too, and I thought, oic. thats why.
Overall Rating: 10/10 (had a good laugh and get money! wow!)

15th day of Lunar Chinese New Year, the 7 sister of E25B went to xiang ni's hse and we had steamboat, I was late and I forget why. (THANK YOU FOR YOUR FOOD AND HONG BAO FROM YOUR DAD!) its was fun. After dinner, we slack for a while watching TV before gambling in xiang ni's room. Oh ya, we checked the telecast if I had won 4D, it was my 1st time buying Singapore Pools and I hope I do not do it any sooner. Well, I didnt win, blah blah blah. For if I had won, it will be a great time of enjoyment. Im going treat my sisters and other frenz if I had won, how I wish I had.
As I won only 1 time in blackjack and lost the rest, this time was no exception, I lost a total of $8 to all my sisters. But I had no cash on that day as I spent the money on tib bits bought to xiang ni's hse. (returned on Kbox event) xiang ni's elder bro treat us to a bottle of volka( WOW!) All of us drank but viory and me drank more, especially viory.
As eyelyn and pei yi had to go back, the rest of us follow suit. But the unexcepted happen, Viory had a breakdown, we ask eyelyn and pei yi to go home 1st and the rest go tak care of viory.
Blah blah blah.. a long story.. lasy to type.. end of the day, all of us are tired after the ordeal. HAHA.. as xiang ni was living close by, enough said, serene, xueting and me took a comfort cab home we 3 of us reside in woodlands.

Had a short term r/s but ask me then I will reveal on this. >.<

And that is the end of my Lunar Chinese New Year.
Events after Chinese New Year, I forget and too lazy to type now.
Sorry folks and live life to what you deem best.
Takcare

Signing off,
anson strolling away

Guaduating?

2007-02-04T04:06:00.000-08:00

This is a post grafted since ages ago..
Let me think.. its was like a sem which is 6 months..
A lot had happened..
Quarrels, peace
Slacking, hardworking
working, studying
poor, rich
crazy, sane

Working at Yio Chu Kang TechPoint in Motorola company under agency 138 Goodplus services..630pm-630am daily..imagine how mux slp I lost typing tis.. >.<>

2006-09-23T20:57:00.000-07:00

Hey Hey Hey!!!

Its Anson updating this blog after such a damn long time..

Firstly, lets report the activities in the hols..

1st week
Went to skl for meetings for my club..
Attend a skl emulation thingy..
Am I allow to blog about that..
Its intellectual property rights anot haha..
Did a bit slacking at home..
Ended with a chalet crashes of both my classes..
One which is from 28-30 Aug and de other one was 29-30 Aug..
Even more powerful was that one is at change and next one was at sentosa..
Its from north to east on the 1st day and to south on the 2nd..
But I was lazy to travel and haven contacted the 2nd chalet personals..
As there was supposing a change of plan but it didn’t..
Sorry dude and dudettes of W24L..
Mi bad..

2nd week
Its started off wif a Monday ADA-L walk..
It could hav been a terry fox run if its charitable..
Haha..
Its Alfian, Dilhan and Anson Leisure walk..
Althought it’s a leisure walk but wait till u read and think about the distance..
We went to shop as Alfian was getting a gift in Bugis..
We chilled and wanted to chill more and we start to hunt for chill spots..
Instead we decided to walk to esplanade..
But but but in the end..
We walk from Bugis to Serangoon to amk..
Crazy man keke yes we are..
Rest of the week was more meeting and emulation stuff..

3rd week
Its was a typical hols like the past..
My best frenz POP-ed(pass-out-parade)..
I stayed over at his hse for a few days..
And we gamed thought out haha..
On the Thursday nite we went to Kbox for a singing session..
My best frenz, mi edric and sam went till morning..
Over the weekend I crashed at edric’s hse..

4th week
1 more singing session wif edric again..
And stayed over at edric’ hse again for 1 day..
Went home and prepare for skl reopening..

ThuRsday SChoOL ReOPeneD!!

Nvr slept a single second on wed nite..
So bored at home and I decided to go skl earlier..
Reached skl at 715 and class at 720..
Amazing rite haha..
Remember a lot of faces in skl..
But tis particulars gal who waved to me and I waved back thinking I know her..
But I just cant rmb..
Age is fast catching up in me..
Guess my Alzheimer Disease is getting worse haha..
My laptop hanged from morning 1st meeting till nite while I was in skl..
I was feeling damn pissed wif my laptop..
Hang was one prob..
VPN can access but cant msn or www..
Went to IT helpdesk..
Saw people mountain people sea..
I decided to come back the next dae..
Lucky only 1st week of skl so topic is simpler and can explain without research..
It felt like a Monday..
As almost all skl starts and reopens on Monday..
Isn’t it haha..

FriDAy anD wEEkEnd aLReaDy!!

Woke up at 5plus but went back to dreamland..
Reach skl at ard 745..
Same laptop same prob again..
After 3rd meeting I was really piss wif my lappy..
Decided to find a cure myself and afterall..
Im an IT student..
I search for the problematic dll..
Change its properties..
But I still cant go internet athought i fixed the dll..
I tried a simple re-install of student VPN..
N guess what..
It worked and I went MSN and internet..
I FIXED MY OWN VPN PROBLEM..
HHAHAHAHHAA..
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..
Well let me be happy for a moment lahz..
Takcare always my frenz..

Anson Axilver

2006-08-24T06:06:00.000-07:00

Bang! Bang! Bang!

Its the Holidays!!
After weeks of torture by someoned
my class know its who
haha

there are alot of thing to report
good ones
bad ones

good ones are
holidays has started
more rest time
can find work
CE points is completing
FYP is over
im really looking forward for a new target

bad ones are
still have a lot of school stuff to do
cant find work
miss all my classmate
PP haven even started
I did a terrible shit in FYP presentation
Cant find a target

my friends of all circles hav told mi the one holy sentence
anson
dye your hair
cut your hair

okok
i will
after i get work and earn my own $$

work work
gtg folks
takcare
n hapi bdae to one born on 26th august

2006-07-21T00:27:00.000-07:00

in the lib..
Finally im ill-ed wif fever..
the sickness i always wanted to have but..
instead of getting it..
i got flu instead..
i love the feeling of the weakened body and semi-concious mind..
to be taken care of..
but no one is there..
too bad for me..
recently found out somtin..
i reach skl earli as a miracle..
mon ard 8am..
tue skipped class..
wed ard 8am too..
thur 825am..
fri is today and i skipped class..
miracles happened all the time..
or izzit jux dat im lucky..
cure for me..
haha..
checked my flooded hotmails with hundreds of emails..
i tnk i found som cobwebs as well..
today i will be havin a test too..
sick plus test..
jialat..
die liao..
haha..
gl hf to me..
its means good luck and have fun..
takcare to all..

2006-07-18T05:32:00.000-07:00

dang.. diao.. reberberb..
sian lahz..

tis is 2days in a roll dat my frenz went hme earli..
n im all alone in skl..
blame i dun hav internet connection at hme..
coz im not workin..

WorldCyberGames is coming soon..
but tis tm round..
i dun noe if i got a team to join..
it feels weird to miss it..
coz for the past 3 yrs..
i hav been joining n having competing..
but luck was always against my team..
recently i learned RealTimeStrategy games..
warcraftIII and Starcraft..
was tnking of polishing up my skills to compete..
but i lack of support now..
low morale..
nearly no one ever motivated or supported me about gaming..

~!?!~ thoughts on feelings ~!?!~

2006-07-01T15:58:00.000-07:00

yeah.. im typing abt my feelings.. you know wat feelings im typing abt rite?..
its been a long time since im so straightforward and aso mentioning abt my feelings..

now im single as all my dudes and dudettes know..
but i wanna hav somone i can let my romance on..
one who will be my life partner? or jux for a period of time?
i prefer a life partner as its the best out of r/s..
i wanna marry that person..
im waiting for the right one..
but waiting is making me crazy..
not abt acting gay or watever..
its just for fun and purely entertainment purposes..
my dudes said jux go get 1..
its diff for me i guess..
i choose the hard part..
the one and only one..
but its driving me nuts..
and guess wat i did..
i intial-ed a pact wif my best friends that both of us get a gf and all of us hav a group gathering in this coming X'mas...
but loking at the moment..
guess im gonna break the pact..
life is..
i hav tou of being a bad boy..
hav a flirt..
or a fling..
but still..
feels that its doesnt suit me..
i cant bring myself to do it man..
its so un-me..
unlike the anson..
the anson that almost everyone knows..
especially my closer friends who knew me..
that im just so..
dun wat to type abt that..
my friends tease me by mentioning my previous gal i liked..
althoughts its for fun..
althoughts its not as hurting as before..
i feel weird hearing it..
i know it cant hav any outcome..
i tried to get over it..
but still i feel that there is one thing that remains..
my lateness of the question..
late again..
im always late..
guess its my punishment for being the way im in..
but i just wanna find the right feeling, mood and moment..
its that just too much to ask for..
cause its the first time im doing it..
cause im a big woodblock in sec skl times..
when i missed out yuling and a few ones..
the gal that confesses to me..
but i was such a nerd that i didnt know..
silly me..
i was so geeky that i was so afraid..
feel that it gonna be hard on me..
now that im more sound now..
its all seems gone..
no one at all..
is this wat they say..
when you want it..
you will not get it..
but when you dun know it..
it will just appear from no where..
its hurts at time..
but wat can i do..
there was time when i thought of hurting myself..
like wat they call it..
cutting my wrist..
but im scare of pain..
ouch..
some friends say that i should jux be myself and wait..
some say i just get a gal..
some say i not over the previous one..
some say nothing..
so wat should i do..
wait or just recklessly find one..
recenlty i got one who is waiting for me..
i think so if im not wrong..
but she not my type..
mayb im wrong..
it feels good to be woo..
it feels great to be attracted to somone..
it feels even better when you found the right person..
which is it..
well..
at times..
i thought of being a gal..
being woo..
being goolging at..
being chased..
not as in run..
okay..
you people should know wat im typing..
im just being lame..
guess i have type quite a bit..
or a lot..
just unsure of my feelings..
i didnt i will actually type so long..
its making me feel so naggy already..
last but not least..
im gonna be a sitting duck..
waiting to be shot at..
quackquack..

~`- thoughts of recently stuffs -`~

2006-07-01T15:48:00.000-07:00

life is really jialat dudes and dudettes~~

1st, tis week i attended onli 1 day of skl
2nd, last week the UT i went 4 is a complete FAIL!!
3rd, FYP is stuck!! im veri blurred abt stuffs!! i hate research!!
4th, family probs
5th, cs team all dun hav commitment and passion

last but not least, i feel like giving everything all up but..
but.. isnt this life should be? full of changellages..
but my life has been so damn packed that i feel so sian and clueless that even if im playing, i felt tired..

in da past, if im stress out or unhappy, i eat chocolates but its becoming hard to do so as i cant rely on the choco chemical to mak me happy all da time..

im so tired of all my life process..
hope that i can really take a good long relaxing rest..
please advise me dudes and dudettes~~

The holidays week

2006-06-16T06:43:00.000-07:00

I feel that this was a bad hols.

1st, networking had some cock-ups because of some lame unforeseen cirsumstances.
3person i dun lik in tis camp even though i feel that im too rude and inrationale to judge but still anger has got into me, they are a has-been, an act-big-fuck, a bias surveyor. i tnk those who came to the camp should noe who dey are.

2nd, i failed to meet my neighbour for a catch-up session wif a dinner of cheescake?

3rd, got a bad job of 7-11 at causeway point as day are paying a pathetic 3.5/hour and i accepted it, no choose, it nearest job to my home and skl coz i dun wanna travel far away for jobs liao, too tiring.

4th, misses a good chance to hav fun at the WCG RP qualifiers to giv free frags to others? lolz.. haha

one tin im unsure of whether its bad or good is dat my best frenz had entered NS to tekong as 1st stop. i say good luck to him~~ >.<

finally afr 6 busy wks of skl activities and outsid event, i finally met my Final Year Project supervisor and noes my job for the FYP.

Last but not least is a Great news..

my cs clan J.F//F (Just For Fun) was advanced to the permier section of the Compaq AMD pro-gaming leagues. Wish us gd luck pls.. haha..

tak care to all my frenz.. and watch out for my new hp number..

Updates again

2006-05-24T07:31:00.000-07:00

what more can i bring you, only bring what i do what.

notice the only 1 word differents.. ok.. it lame.. i noe dat..

now, 1 tin i really wan u guys to tnk abt it..

define pretty and beautiful in your own words.

my view..
pretty= can look, chio, tak a 2nd look

Beautiful = wow, got aura 1, feel the presense of the goddess, its free so jux keep on lookin at her

now the updates..
Last wed, i went to DXO to support an ex-classmate who participarted in the Mr Singapore.. although, that nite, he nvr won any awards ( onli 2 awards anyway) it was a funny and a bit gay experience coz imaging all the well-built hulks walking ard, it was lik WWF ppl.. haha..

but on the sat whr more awards was presented, my dear Gordon won 1st runner-up meaning losing the title and belt (haha lame WWFbelt) to bukti batok..

Friday nite, i saw myself in the mist of streamboat at my ex-skl, nbss' kakis..
we play mahjong n i won (haha evil laugh!!) but if it were to be gambling using real money, i would hav been bankruft as i REALLY hav bad gambling luck..

Sat, i had breakfast wif my parents and bro AND i visit the hair salon for a cut..

Sun early mornin 7+, woke up to get ready and dress up to support my DotA clan, RaPaCious (RPC in short) it was great as RPC took 4th place but it wasn't confirmed but we knew coz fighting for the 3rd place was Exsequesor.WeCookGrass and also we was happy with the fact that RPC won 2 matches to attain 4th place.. we were defected by mVp in the 3rd match..
we left the place the moment we lost and we didnt we can still fight 4 3rd place as i jux found out when i was surf the compy webby..
GOOD JOB GUYS!!

Back to skl, as usual, solving prob, quiz, evaluate, RJ, gaming, home, slp and back to skl agin..
but i myself nocite that im starting to slack a bit liao.. oh shit.. so fast my energy use finish liao..
Haiz.. life still goes on and hope i dun slack so mux..

omfg.. its wed,1055 and im still in skl updating tis blog.. gotta go home liao.. niteznitexnitey..

2006-05-15T14:47:00.000-07:00

Finally, i got time to update on my friendster again..

Currently, im at my best frenz hse afr a partyworld session wif him n my 9 yr pri skl frenz, Cai Jin..

School reopened a month ago but i was laid with skl work,, chalets,, camp,, club meetings & stuff and 1 clubbing session on my dota kaki,, amir..I had 2 chalets,, sec skl class chalet and my mvp, huang's chalet..

At my sec skl class, we enjoyed to the most as we had all been lost in contact for a few yrs but it was great to gather.. ^^

Chpyer camp that i was involve was a power 1 too..

1st nite was slack nite and i managed to play 3 dota games b4 i slp..

But 2nd dae onwards i was too tired to play even 1 game as on day 2 & 3,, i was to help out and it tired me out..

Jux last week was the SLA(student life activities) fiesta aka cca openhse likewise,, we managed to lure quite a no of student to join us which of onli 2 is mine.. haha.. i noe im weak in speech..

Had my most fulfilling Bdae on Sun:

mornin woke up and had a traditional breakfast of toast and half-boiled egg with a cup each of milo and ice milo.. ^^

Before noon, ate the Bdae cake wif my family.. (as lunch? nt sure either)

I took my bros out on a movie session at Plaza Singapura..

Mi3 was a great movie people, go watch it..

Me n my bros got the movie pencil case and gave it to our mum as mother's day present.. haha.. funny rite? ok pathetic was better.. haha..

Now i jux wanna improve myself for the better for the years to come and hope to move towards my dream job and hopefully get a good woman on the way.. keke.. ^^

Tak care folks.. and enjoy life to the fullest!!

2006-02-26T08:11:00.000-08:00

YEAH!! Last week of skl liao!!
Gonna go orchard afk skl everydae!!
if nt go when we move to wdlds,, we cant go orchard tis easy liao..
WooHoo!! GoGoGo!!
Come On Everybody!! Lets Enjoy The Last Week To The Max!!

da wkend b4 last wk of skl

2006-02-26T03:03:00.000-08:00

Fridae adr skl, i sent my dear sizta to da bus-stop n den chill out in the lib wif 1 of my dota kaki while waiting for others. we went to far east for dinner and da pattaya rice was nice minus the prawn n sotong as i dun eat seafood.. bryan ordered an extra plate of beef and it was power.. Mr dilhan joined us afr romancing n was all smile da whole nite.. we went to an lucky plaza coz alfian wanted to show us a punching game and he played till his finger bled.. ouch!.. later was pool time.. we went crossing vesus-ing n amir was a leading winner but alfian went to own him in 'late game'.. lolz.. i tired of missing n losing 2 games and so for my 3rd n last game, i wore my cap n win it.. i lov it when my oppo was having a hard tm when choosing which to hit when i tyco tyco had a 'nice placing' for dem.. haha..

Afr da mini pool compy.. we all chill at orchard while waiting wf dilhan for his frenz.. I went to meet my cs clan mvp, huang.. we ton near his hse wif som of his frenz.. dere was tis gal who was bully him this bit n dat.. n i aim n shoot that gal da whole tm.. haha.. was dat miserable.. i seldom aim ppl to scold one but tis gal was hell of a lian n bully 1 of my handful of best frenz.. i felt aslp for a couple of times as i was tired bcoz of the little slp of the whole wk n the longing acticities-fill hours of fridae..

Sat mornin.. i went to huang hse to catch som proper slp but was that lian was wif us too.. wth!! but since it huang's frenz so the whole nite, i was not so agressive towards her.. she was hitting scolding huang.. but dat was not worse.. the way she act is lik a hen especially when she put her hands under her armpit pretend to laugh.. ha ha ha.. lameshit..

Afr we woke up.. tis lian wanted huang to send her hme but huang n i were already running late as we were gonna meet my another cs clan member n aso my est frenz, natsumi.. plus nat told us we are all gonna meet ppl at suntec.. and its was 1 hr in meeting tm.. how to rush..

I will leaving out the rushing part as it was sianz.. so we went to suntec n met 2 others frenz of nat n huang n alex.. alex was huang elder bro n he came too.. they are pinkygal = yiling and DJken..

we went mac for our dinner n i realised that all of us ate chicken meals.. either mac-chicken or mac-spicy.. but dat was not the best part..

we went to fountain of wealth n DJken propose to Pinkygal wif a dedication wif the laser show and she said.......................... yesh!! congratz to DJ ken n Yiling.. bless n wishes dem gd luck..

but the party doesnt end dere.. we all went to nat's hse to party the nite out.. and tis is whr i fell aslp halfway afr Pinkygal took a cab hme afr our supper..

dat's all folks.. stay tuned to nx wk..

1 more week to hols

2006-02-23T10:08:00.000-08:00

During the wkend, i felt my r/s spot being tickled. Ever since my previous liking of su hua of rp, i had nt lik any gal at all and i seldom gazed at gals. i always the type of peron who lik to look ard, look forward to tins and the world if its possible. but since the s.h. incident, i was lost in the mist of despair and my outsid cs EvT and BMK clan members noes it best as im always and constantly tok abt her whenever im out wif dem which is almost everwk. i noe dat i didnt handle it well coz it my sl or should i type fl as tis feeling was so deep it made mi so down and out. The once happy-go-lucky mi went to a stage of living day-by-day basis as dere was nutin i could which for instead of a love one or to love on, the feeling to be love and love somone was so far away from mi. dere was times when i was drunk when i drink or not drunk when i drink but still mind of covered by her.

Now, im afraid. really scared to really feel for somone as to prevent being hurt again and being the usual mi, unlike the typical boy boy who go ard having r/s wif gal gal which when breaking up could hurt somone. to mi, its a waste of time if u dun like or lov the other party in a r/s and tak a note. i hate players in the game. unless both are players and not serious den i hav nutin to rebark. dere are so many possiblilities dat im so afraid. not only im ascared to felt for somone, im afraid to fully go deep into friendship wif frenz as im scard i do not giv out enough to others. all my frenz are great people, especailly the closed ones, they are all my kakis and best of best frenz but i wouldnt use the word brothers on guys as i hav 2 real blood brothers and i commanded and teach dem stuff but towards my frenz i learn fr dem and its wat makes mi so small. i may look or som say i stared but its the way i look at ppl and im just harmless.

The ticklsness is not strong and i not sure if im really hav the liking. wat should i do, pls tag mi to tell mi.

Both my classes hav tok abt class chalet, and my dota kakis abt a clubbing nite.
sad to say that i had say yesh to all tis stuff but in actually fact i dun hav the ablities to go to all these functions even though i feel that it will meant a lot to mi. i like all my classmates, be it we tokin less or just sayin bye to each other.

To mi suhua's case is over and i wan to find a target. a gal which i love and one who will love mi.
There was once, which i dreamed of myself in a shopping place/mall/center or wat ever u wan to call it. in the dream a gal who came up from an escalator run to mi n hugged mi, really tightly and i was awoken dat very moment. i was in sweat and its mornin, tm for skl. who is dat gal? i cant catch the face as it was all blury. how i which i can really find dat gal and marry her?

Living at my grandpa hse was a pain. all da regulations n mus do n cant do stuff mak mi sianz.
freedom was away in hols whenever im a my grandpa's hse. but even at hme i had limitations, life truely is shit for mi. skl makes mi happy and dat is why i lik to go skl but hate to be limited by disciple which i shunned.

the wkend is near and im meeting SWACKKAS on sat and im looking forward to it coz its been months since we met all of this chalet click group of frenz. SWACKKAS was the 1st letter of all our names.

S hiyun
W eixiang
A lex
C hingwei
K enneth
K aixin
A nson
S ammantha

but in actually in the click of frenz, there are more ppl who are also closed to tis group but if we add any more letters, it will missed its intiat meaning. but we are all great frenz.

Note* Last but not least. pls type wat should i do abt my feelings in the tagboard pls. thz.

Feeling alone is not a distance at all, i feel it all the time. the phobia of other ppl coz of suhua has taken a toll of mi and i tnk dat ppl tin of mi as anti-social or jux an undesired frenz. how 1 event can make mi so in ruins. i hope dat 1 dae i can recover fr tis"sickness' and b as extrovert as i used to be not lik my sec skl daes when i was jux a ZZ.

This afrnoon, my FYP team submitted our choices of projects. but sad to say dat i had to skip 2nd meeting to discuss it coz the slots were limited and i admit, we are jux kiasu. haha.. the team consist of mi, colin and leon but because of the project that we desired to chose was a project for 4 person, we decided to pool in another member and it was rachel. i nvr tou of teaming her in fyp or in any projects. but we were ex-classmates so it doesnt really matter mux.

To be Continued..

that valentine week

2006-02-14T06:11:00.000-08:00

Recently i had moved to my grandpa house in toh yi aka bukit timah fr my woodlands hme..
Travelling to RP is faster (30mins) but is a bit sianz as the hill in bukit timah is higher n steeper..
On valentine day, just when everyone was romancing with their other half.. i was in skl alone wif my lappy on the web..
On wednesday, i was so tired afr gaming dota in skl dat i felt aslp on da bus and missed my stop and a bus dat had da same no. i was boarding run pass mine.. i asked da bus driver whether dat was da last bus and he said yes.. and i was stunned for a moment as i realise dat i may nt get hme to slp.. jux at da same moment.. da bus driver told mi dat i can still catch the bus if i go at da direction which he was pointing.. and oh boi was i god damn lucky dat i really caught the last bus towards hme.. note* da bus i caught was going outwards which was on a round corner turn of the interchange.. and im really lucky dat it is da way it is..
Fridae.. had lunch wif moi classmates at a chicken rice stall in far east.. it was godlike delicious n i really enjoy da food.. weimin's vehicle was jux kool to look at wif da intial D. and portland street sticker and a cute ultraman curtain.. :P
Saturday mornin.. woke up to meet weimin to attend a workshop to earn ce points.. plus i missed 1 bus-stop which makes mi even more late.. i saw weimin when i was walkin towards da gate and i thought he was leaving but lucky he wasnt.. he jux wanted to attend da the workshop 1st..
After da workshop.. i spend my tm in skl to submit a edited pix by mi as workpiece to da fac.. i was so tired dat i returned to my woodlands hme and realised it onli when moi mum call mi by da wrong name when i opened da door.. moi mum was callin for moi brother.. Alex..
Sunday afrnoon.. moi dad's eldest bro came by to visit while i was still slpin on da floor ( nowadae.. i lik to slp on da floor.. dun noe y..) too bad when i went to wash up.. he had left.. *Haiz* too bad.. feel so sianz as i had nt seen him for a long tm.. i thought mayb we can hav a small chat perhaps..
Okay.. i got moi nails cutted and it felt koolin under moi nails..
Now im at my grandpa hse while typing tis.. and yeah.. im able to leech connection here but i cant constantly stay online coz of the wave of connection is nt fast enough so i keep getting dc..

raveANson

the reminder

emotions

historical feelings?

my feelings?

sch reopens

lastest holiday

speechlessly becoming new

people wouldnt believe me

The Tower

You are The Tower

hols now! im in love with my hair!

was it me? it was me!

my birthday? my feeling?

anson is fading away

UPDATES!!

ARGH.. Please Pardon the Wait

anson is fading away

Online Diary?

Guaduating?

*~!?!~* thoughts on feelings *~!?!~*

~`*- thoughts of recently stuffs -*`~

The holidays week

Updates again

da wkend b4 last wk of skl

1 more week to hols

that valentine week

~!?!~ thoughts on feelings ~!?!~

~`- thoughts of recently stuffs -`~