During the wkend, i felt my r/s spot being tickled. Ever since my previous liking of su hua of rp, i had nt lik any gal at all and i seldom gazed at gals. i always the type of peron who lik to look ard, look forward to tins and the world if its possible. but since the s.h. incident, i was lost in the mist of despair and my outsid cs EvT and BMK clan members noes it best as im always and constantly tok abt her whenever im out wif dem which is almost everwk. i noe dat i didnt handle it well coz it my sl or should i type fl as tis feeling was so deep it made mi so down and out. The once happy-go-lucky mi went to a stage of living day-by-day basis as dere was nutin i could which for instead of a love one or to love on, the feeling to be love and love somone was so far away from mi. dere was times when i was drunk when i drink or not drunk when i drink but still mind of covered by her.

Now, im afraid. really scared to really feel for somone as to prevent being hurt again and being the usual mi, unlike the typical boy boy who go ard having r/s wif gal gal which when breaking up could hurt somone. to mi, its a waste of time if u dun like or lov the other party in a r/s and tak a note. i hate players in the game. unless both are players and not serious den i hav nutin to rebark. dere are so many possiblilities dat im so afraid. not only im ascared to felt for somone, im afraid to fully go deep into friendship wif frenz as im scard i do not giv out enough to others. all my frenz are great people, especailly the closed ones, they are all my kakis and best of best frenz but i wouldnt use the word brothers on guys as i hav 2 real blood brothers and i commanded and teach dem stuff but towards my frenz i learn fr dem and its wat makes mi so small. i may look or som say i stared but its the way i look at ppl and im just harmless.

The ticklsness is not strong and i not sure if im really hav the liking. wat should i do, pls tag mi to tell mi.

Both my classes hav tok abt class chalet, and my dota kakis abt a clubbing nite.
sad to say that i had say yesh to all tis stuff but in actually fact i dun hav the ablities to go to all these functions even though i feel that it will meant a lot to mi. i like all my classmates, be it we tokin less or just sayin bye to each other.

To mi suhua's case is over and i wan to find a target. a gal which i love and one who will love mi.
There was once, which i dreamed of myself in a shopping place/mall/center or wat ever u wan to call it. in the dream a gal who came up from an escalator run to mi n hugged mi, really tightly and i was awoken dat very moment. i was in sweat and its mornin, tm for skl. who is dat gal? i cant catch the face as it was all blury. how i which i can really find dat gal and marry her?

Living at my grandpa hse was a pain. all da regulations n mus do n cant do stuff mak mi sianz.
freedom was away in hols whenever im a my grandpa's hse. but even at hme i had limitations, life truely is shit for mi. skl makes mi happy and dat is why i lik to go skl but hate to be limited by disciple which i shunned.

the wkend is near and im meeting SWACKKAS on sat and im looking forward to it coz its been months since we met all of this chalet click group of frenz. SWACKKAS was the 1st letter of all our names.

S hiyun
W eixiang
A lex
C hingwei
K enneth
K aixin
A nson
S ammantha

but in actually in the click of frenz, there are more ppl who are also closed to tis group but if we add any more letters, it will missed its intiat meaning. but we are all great frenz.

Note* Last but not least. pls type wat should i do abt my feelings in the tagboard pls. thz.

Feeling alone is not a distance at all, i feel it all the time. the phobia of other ppl coz of suhua has taken a toll of mi and i tnk dat ppl tin of mi as anti-social or jux an undesired frenz. how 1 event can make mi so in ruins. i hope dat 1 dae i can recover fr tis"sickness' and b as extrovert as i used to be not lik my sec skl daes when i was jux a ZZ.

This afrnoon, my FYP team submitted our choices of projects. but sad to say dat i had to skip 2nd meeting to discuss it coz the slots were limited and i admit, we are jux kiasu. haha.. the team consist of mi, colin and leon but because of the project that we desired to chose was a project for 4 person, we decided to pool in another member and it was rachel. i nvr tou of teaming her in fyp or in any projects. but we were ex-classmates so it doesnt really matter mux.

To be Continued..

lavender love.

Comments: Post a Comment